So I always am motivated to do things by one thing or another. I’m motivated to get up in the morning because I need to go to class. I’m motivated to go to class because that’s how I get good grades. I’m motivated to get good grades because I want to graduate. I’m motivated to graduate to get my degree and a chance at a decent job. I’m motivated to do that because… well because that’s what society tells us to do.

There was a point in time when my sole motivation for going to college was so I could get a good job to be able to have my 2 youngest siblings move in with me so I could take care of and support them because I thought my step-mother and father weren’t doing a very good job because neither of them had a job or degree and it just was pretty horrible. That was 4 years ago. There also was a point in time when I said I was going to drop out of school because I was so sick and tired of it and couldn’t stand it anymore because it was holding me back from “life”. That was 3 weeks ago! Let me just say that my siblings are actually in a much worse place than they were 4 years ago when they were my motivation for getting my degree and that it’s only the grace of God that’s been keeping them thus far but they are no longer a strong enough motivation for me to complete that goal.

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Jhamir 7, Savannah 8

When I do get the motivation to clean my room, it is because I’m tired of looking at the mess and not being able to find things. Unfortunately that motivation almost always passes very quickly and I don’t mind sitting in my mess for a few more months. Its not that I totally enjoy filth, because quite frankly I really don’t like it, but more that I’m not too motivated to do something about it.

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Very old picture of my room clean in college

I’ve always been motivated to lose weight and be a smaller size. More because the scale says that I’m obese than anything else but also because I think I’d look better if I were just a lil bit smaller. My family has always called me big girl and my mom has always compared my size to hers when she was my age (she was actually quite skinny before she got pregnant with me) and all signs pointed to I need to lose weight. But then I do certain self esteem exercises where you’re supposed to love yourself the way you are and I quickly lose those motivations (which weren’t very good ones to begin with).

Me in Oct '08

Me in Oct

My pastor (I think it was my pastor LOL //*edit* it was my pastor 🙂 first lady but pastor nonetheless//) said that our motivation for doing something ought to be lined up with the Word of God because if it isn’t it won’t sustain us to the point of striving to meet that goal or expectation. I know this all too well with my failed attempts @ change and how I too often give up on things that I know are good for me to do. But the Word should drive us to be steadfast and endure because you’re not doing it for anyone but God and striving to please Him and that’s unchanging. I think she also said it should be out of our Love and Obedience towards God if I’m not mistaken.

So I’m writing this because I definitely need some accountability and PRAYER in the areas I’m trying to work on… mostly to get started but to also keep striving for excellence in completing my goal because I have a tendency to start and stop things very quickly. Now some of these things I can start doing now… and others I can’t but because certain variables are needed… but I still need to be reminded constantly of them because otherwise when I will have the opportunity to do them, I won’t forget and not do them.

So this is my Personal Growth Chart for the moment. I filled this out on my own in case you’re wondering because its all typed and what not. I typed it up and then printed it out and then scanned it as a picture so I could share it with you all because I think its a valuable tool to have. I know there are plenty of other scriptures to support cleanliness and finances I just couldn’t find them so if you have some please do share and I’ll add them and meditate on them as well!!!

MY ECC Personal Growth Chart

ECC Personal Growth Chart

Now this is an expanded comprehensive chart of areas in my character that I want to be in excellence in. Now I have some other things I’d like to do just out of shear obedience too.

  • Say my daily confessions from ECC and from Dare 2 B U group
  • Write in my journal daily from ECC, Dare 2 B U group, and my own personal journal (That’s alot of journaling LOL)
  • Share my faith with at LEAST one person a week (with a heart to go with it not just to be keeping tabs on doing my “christianly duties”.
  • Sleep no more or less than 6-8 hours a night (I currently have a sleeping issue if you couldn’t tell with my writing a blog @ 5 am)
  • Eat 3 right portioned meals a day (I currently eat 1 meal a day… it’s really bad)
  • Tell my brother (Andrew, 12) I love him a least once a day (OMG I can’t believe I just wrote that LOL) and give him a hug (You can definitely tell I didn’t come up with this one… definitely the Holy Spirit there LOL… I’ma definitely need help with THIS!!!!)
  • Pray aloud for a least 30 min a day (this is getting deep… I can pray in my head all day long if I wanted to, but aloud… this is gonna be tough)
  • Stop sucking my thumb (it’s my crutch of comfort… I’ve been doing it for 20 years… old habits die hard…)
  • Stop lying to myself (This will be hard for be accountable to but its a big deal because if I lie to myself I’ll lie to anyone for one thing and I try very hard not to lie to other people but readily accept the lies I tell to myself and secondly the lies I tell to myself are very deadly and non life giving and I really really REALLY need to stop)
  • Stop doing the things that I know I can get away with because no one knows but me and God (its nothing major like stealing but sin is sin and again its deadly so something I need to give up)
  • Write out a daily plan for my day and stick to it until I get out of the routine of laziness (Its just deplorable how I slept 15 hours today and pretty much wasted the day away sleeping)
  • Smile for a minimum of 2 hours a day ( I think this is the most difficult task on my list yet LOL)
  • Call my grandmother once a week to say hello (Whoa… have you talked to my grandmother lately??? man… Lol)

I think that’s it for now… I would hope so because that’s alot of things I need to do… but my pastor said on Sunday why work to get only one area of your life in excellence when as soon as you’re there you won’t be able to enjoy it because you look back at all of the other area’s you’re lacking in and see that they aren’t to the caliber of the one area you’re in excellence in and so you’re dissatisfied. I believe God has given me the strength, knowledge, and wisdom to be able to reach these goals. Because He desires that I mirror Jesus and walk in Excellence just as Jesus did so that He may work in me as I work for Him. I’m not saying its going to be easy… because wow… its definitely not… but its possible.

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Where would I be
If not for your grace
Carrying me
Through every season
Where would I be
If not for Your grace
Came to my rescue
And I want to thank You
For Your grace

Grace that restores
Grace that redeems
Grace that releases
Me to worship
Grace that repairs
Visions and dreams
Grace that releases
Miracles

I love this song… I first heard it @ Release ’08 where Khia led worship of course… this song is my constant reminder that I am saved by grace and that any and everything is possible because of it…

“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”
~ Romans 2:4-9

“Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was give to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.”
~ 2 Timothy 2:8-10

So, wow yeah, I was quoting that scripture for verse 9, where it talks about grace, but I don’t like putting up incomplete sentences and the bible, especially the new testament, is full of run on sentences. I was totally convicted just then by verse 8… I was reminded of the Bowie bible study when I was sort of thrown into this outreach evangelism that they were doing on campus (mind you I’m not a student at Bowie at the time). I was so uncomfortable not only because I’m doing outreach on a campus of a school that I don’t even go to yet, but because I was doing outreach and had to tell people about Jesus. I mean what was I afraid or ashamed of? Back then Paul had good reason to tell them not to be ashamed… they had good reason to be afraid… if you proclaimed Jesus you would be thrown in jail or killed… What’s my excuse?… there’s no one threatening me to keep my mouth closed or I’ll be killed, thrown in jail, or even harmed for that matter… but yet even when I fail… God’s grace keeps me…

I love that I have the power of persuasion! I know that’s kinda weird but it gives me joy in getting things I want.

Me (like a million times in the past few weeks): Oooo I want that new Martha Munizzi CD! I love that CD! I want it!
Mother (on her way home from a conference where Martha Munizzi was in attendance): Did you say that you wanted the new Martha Munizzi CD?
Me: YES!!! Did you get it????
Mother: I was thinking about getting it…
Me: You’re lying! You were just at the conference and she was there. The CD was probably on sale.
Mother: hahaha

(more…)