Yet to be deciphered


I must say… I suck @ blogging… Its pretty much out of sight out of mind for me. I used to have wordpress as a homepage but then I downloaded a new internet server and I can only have one homepage instead of the 5 I had before. Why am I making excuses?? I don’t know… they’re unnecessary and unimportant… I’m trying to blog on here more and again and that’s all that matters…

So in reading my old blog updates I just laugh because things have constantly been changing… My schedule has changed… my life has changed… everything has changed well cept one thing… I still don’t have a job but that’ll change soon too 🙂

  • So yeah I’m now a part time student @ Bowie… currently taking 2 classes… Voice and Piano…
  • My major… yes it has changed yet again…. to Music LOL
  • I’m only in one class @ DDI which is Warfare Weapons on Monday nights
  • I’ve joined Excellence Christian Church (click on the link under church and organizations) and I’m excited about it

I think that’s all for now… I’ve been truly enjoying life and its been a journey but I finally feel I’m right where God wants me to be for this season in my life. Even with the things that I feel aren’t going my way…

In other News… I love astronomy… like as a kid I had my grandmother (who is now gone to be with the Lord) buy me this Big telescope set. I would sneak outside @ night and try to look @ the constellations. Now because I lived in an urban area I saw maybe one star if I was lucky enough… I was always OVERLY excited to visit Owens B. Science Center to go into the dome to have them point out constellations to us. Like I think I was the only one in my class amazed and I didn’t even really fully understand then just the vastness of God… I just knew that it was simply amazing.. especially to think that because we’re constantly moving and the stars are constantly moving and are so big and so far away that where we see them today… isn’t where they were even a few days ago… Mind blowing right??? LOL… So take this for cake… so we know that in the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth… wait I’m just getting so overwhelmed right now that I can’t even do it justice… Just watch the videos @ the bottom… and know that God is WAY WAY WAY bigger than we can ever imagine… and yet… He loved US so much… that He took the time to come down into human form… and become as small as US… JUST to save US…

Oh yeah btw… @ Fall Conference there was this BEAUTIFUL night where the clouds were gone and the sky was clear and we saw all the stars in the sky and even saw them twinkle and it was just so awesome and amazing and wonderful.

Louie Giglio: How Great Is Our God Tour – Part 1

Louie Giglio: How Great Is Our God Tour – Part 2

Louie Giglio: How Great Is Our God Tour – Part 3

Louie Giglio: How Great Is Our God Tour – Part 4

Louie Giglio: How Great Is Our God Tour — Part 5

This is what I was told today: “Ashley, I’m about to come into some money. So I am buying myself a new car. I can’t sell my old car because it was given to me so I have to give it away. I asked the Lord if I could give it to you. So I’ll most likely be giving you my car when I buy my new one.”

Are you kidding me???? I SO don’t deserve a car… I SO don’t deserve anything I have… It took my best friend to point out to me about how I focus so hard on what I don’t have and on the negative things in my life that I totally miss all the wonderful blessings God bestowes upon me all the time… and all I do is complain about how my life “enormously sucks” when I am SO blessed beyond measure and I don’t take time to see it…

Today women @ my church also gave me bags of clothes too… New clothes they’ve never worn… Nice clothes… I can’t even remember the last time I bought some new clothes… they’ve been giving me clothes for a while… @ least 6 months…

Seriously… the next time I say I hate my life or something of the sort smack me and tell me I’m breathing… because I could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve been dead if it weren’t for the Lord right now on the path that I was on… and I owe no gratitude but to give him ALL the PRAISE, GLORY, and HONOR cuz its only because of HIM that I live, move, and have my being.

2 Corinthians 10
13But we will not boast of things beyond our measure, but according to the measure of the rule which God hath distributed to us, a measure to reach even unto you.

14For we stretch not ourselves beyond our measure, as though we reached not unto you. For we have come as far as to you also in preaching the Gospel of Christ,

15not boasting of things beyond our own measure, that is, of other men’s labors; but having hope that, when your faith has increased, we shall be magnified in you according to our rule abundantly,

16to preach the Gospel in the regions beyond you, and not to boast in another man’s rule, which he made ready for our hand.

17But “he that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.”

18For it is not he that commendeth himself who is approved, but whom the Lord commendeth.

I just have to say I have the worlds best best friend ever… She’s just pretty amazing… she like puts her all into me and never expects anything in return… She is awesome and I love her Very VERY much… that’s all

I have dreads now! 🙂 Excited much? Lol Yes and no… yes cuz I won’t really have to be doing my hair much anymore… No because my mom and brother both have dreads and sitting under that dryer SUCKS!!!! It gets really hot and hurts LOL

I can’t wait till they lock 🙂 I can’t stop touching my hair LOL

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Yesterday was a complete “wonderful” day LOL… I went to the ATM @ Bowie and the atm took my card saying I wasn’t an authorized user on the card… Talk about shock to your system… I’m really upset @ this point because that was a “great” topping to the day I had… My sister came to pick me up from Bowie to take me to bible study… I wasn’t really there… She asked how my day was and I was like I don’t want to talk about it… I went and cried in the bathroom cuz I’ve been overly emotional lately and I just couldn’t take it anymore… I wasn’t really into bible study either I just wanted to go home and go to sleep… I slept practically the whole ride home and I came in and went to bed early… Today I was supposed to go up to my bank and talk to someone but that didn’t happen… I ended up just calling and I found out that the bank that I opened the account with in Pennsylvania reported my card lost or stolen… Why/How/Who did this I have no idea and why I wasn’t informed or notified that this was happening I have no idea and why I was still able to make a deposit with my card recently with a lost or stolen card I have no idea… I just have to say Financial Institutions Suck…

is pissing me off…

I came up here today after work to pick up my transfer evaluation and to meet with my advisor so I could register for classes…

Did this happen??? Heck no… they had so many people mad it didn’t make sense… I applied in March… was accepted in April and paid in May… and they still did not do a transfer evaluation for me… they had one person doing them today… the day freakin of when we had to pick them up and go meet our advisor… What sense does that make??? huh??? This stuff was supposed to be done…

So I didn’t get off work will 12:30 and I didn’t want to pay $4 for the Marc train so I waited for the bus which came an hour after I got to the station so I didn’t get to Bowie until 2:45… I go straight to the office and they say oh its going to take about an hour… I say, oh, no problem… 2 hours later… she hasn’t started on your transfer eval yet and so she’s not going to be done by 5 pm when the advisors leave for the day… Can you come back on Thursday?… Hell (I didn’t say that to her) No I can’t come back on Thursday I have to work from 7:30-6… so tell me now how am I going to meet with my advisor and when will I be able to register…

If that’s all that happened… MAYBE I wouldn’t have been upset… but my house flooded like 2 months ago and some paperwork from Bowie got destroyed including my username, password, and ID #… I called there IT help desk and told someone the situation and they told me I could either fax a copy of a photo id, along with a new password to them or I could come to their office and see them in person… well I didn’t want a password to be faxed anywhere and I knew I had to come up here anyway so I decided to wait until I came up here to go to their office… Do I have a new password???? Heck no… first of all they had only student workers there and apparently neither one of them knew what they were doing because they were both baffled and confused and the one girl was like didn’t I do this for you already? And I was like when? I was told I couldn’t do this over the phone and I haven’t been up here since May… and then the other girl was like oh well we don’t have you in our system so you don’t have an account so we can’t reset your password because it doesn’t exist… and I was like how did that happen when I had one before? And she was like what do you mean? I said how am I not in the system and don’t have an account when I had a username and password before? She was like I don’t know…

Guess what… I can’t register without a username and password…

To top it ALL off, not any fault to Bowie I have to add… My financial aid has yet to be evaluated because I’m still a freakin dependent and my mother didn’t sign my fasfa form… How wonderful is that… Not only did I miss deadlines for scholarships… but I might not get federal aid money either because its so late…

The end…

is how I feel right now… I don’t know what else to say…

I have so many things running through my mind that I could write about… but I don’t really feel like making separate posts for them so I’ll make mini short stories

I guess I’ll start with the positive stuff first

I have a job and its fun… the kids are very silly and they make me laugh… the 4 year old can sometimes be trying but what do you expect from kids… the pay is pretty sweet and the family is awesome and christian so its a nice environment… the only down side to it is that they have a dog and I really don’t like dogs… especially barking dogs… and their dog is a lil chihuahua… it is really quiet and almost cat like sometimes… unfortunately this week and for the next 3 weeks they’re also dog sitting a neighbors dog who isn’t so little and isn’t cat like at all… I didn’t tell them but I’m very concerned about his dog being in the house while I’m there because I recently saw a show called what do you do and it had a dog attacking a child on it and it was pretty horrible and it was reported that the kid did nothing to the dogs they just snapped… and while I would know what to do now if that were to happen… I wouldn’t want to be in the scenario AND the 4 year old does everything the show said not to do which scares me… like messes with the dog when she’s eating and sleeping… and other things that make me cringe… I don’t know if I should tell them how I feel about the dog… I mean there’s not really nothing they can do because they already have it and the family is already gone…

I’m set to attend Bowie in the fall (for the most part)… I go to a meeting with my Academic Advisor on Tuesday and then I’ll be all set to register… then it’ll be officially official that I’m a Bowie student… cuz right now its like partially official

In spring I’ll prolly move out of my house into an apartment with a friend… this is extremely exciting and good for the both of us and just fantastic to think that very very soon I’ll be out of the house and have accomplished one of my goals

My mother (the reason I have that goal) and I have had yet another argument over something stupid… She loves to argue and it annoys me… but just recently she had an argument with her spiritual mom over me which supposedly I triggered and it wasn’t cool at all especially since it was extremely stupid and I didn’t really do anything… it made me upset that what I said triggered an argument between them… and more upset that when I tried to contact her I was waved off… and even more upset at some of the things that was said about me like I was immature and needed to watch what I say along with other things… I used to look up to my moms spiritual mom but I really don’t know anymore… If you’re wondering what the cause of it all was… at church yesterday when I was getting ready to dance her spiritual mom hit me with her handkerchief saying not to walk past her without speaking… I hadn’t seen her and I told her I this and I gave her a hug saying hello… Just casually I told my mom what happened like I would’ve done with anyone else and my mom jokingly said not to hit her baby to her… well she took offense saying she doesn’t like people talking about her and a whole bunch of other stuff including what she said about me… I told her I didn’t mean to start an argument and was just making conversation with my mom and wasn’t talking about her at all… and she was like she was ok she’ll be fine… not addressing what I said at all… needless to say… I’m unhappy with all this

I really miss my brother and sister… I haven’t seen them since early April and I miss them alot… I can’t see them right now because the family is going through some interesting stuff and neither my dad or my step-mom is answering my phone calls… I didn’t even get to tell my lil bro happy 7th birthday last week… the stuff that’s going on doesn’t make me feel good at all… thinking about it gives me a headache sometimes… sometimes I want to close my eyes and wake up in a time when things made sense in my life… I have no idea what time that would be but its surely not right now…

When my phone rings… I answer it unless its a 1800 number… this is bad and a weakness of mine because sometimes the person calling me is someone I shouldn’t be talking to… but I answer the phone anyway…

I really want to run away from life right now…

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