Bible


So today was the last bible study of the semester @ Bowie *tear*… and God had a word for us that was specifically for each one of us as well as to all of us… and it was that He LOVED us… a concept seemingly so simple and yet I was so overwhelmed with joy that I fought back tears 🙂

I’m always just so amazed by God’s love…

So I was having a conversation with a friend about forgiveness and how I’ve been really NOT doing that… (Even though it was something I dealt with this summer in June <- click to read post) like I know I should forgive and that love keeps no record of wrong and all that… but I just get tired of it after awhile… and I said this to her and she just smiles and says well thankfully God doesn’t… (Ain’t that the truth!!!!)

She reminded me of the scripture in Matthew 6:14-15 that the message bible puts like this:

In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part.

So clear and simple… forgive others so that we can be forgiven (and oh do I NEED forgiveness) I am also reminded about the passage in Matthew where Peter asks how many times we should forgive someone who hurts us… and throws out his maximum number of 7… like Peter was saying… 7 is too many anyway maybe Jesus will commend me for being willing to forgive THAT many times… but no… Jesus says Hardly!… try 70 times 7…

And then what gets me is my thinking that I have the right NOT to forgive when I’m in the same boat as the person I need to extend my forgiveness to… I’m in need of a savior… Nothing I’ve done makes me right but only because God loved ME so much to send His son to die for me

This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God. ~1 John 4:9-10 Msg

Not only die for ME and my sins… but while I was still a sinner…

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. ~Romans 5:6-8 Msg

So to you, you, and especially YOU… I forgive you and release all bitterness, anger, hatred, loathe… and any other negative adjective I can’t think of right now that may have been inside of me because of what you’ve done to me… Not because I am such a good person but because God is in me and desires me whole and He forgave you @ the cross so I forgive you now…

So here I am @ 4 am awake, writing another blog… I have sleep issues and I need to get that fixed…

So I took a poll about what I should blog about and apparently the few faithfuls would like to hear my opinion about Obama and the black church surprise surprise LOL…

So yeah… I don’t even really know how to start this post… I want to say I’m not dissing Barack Obama, nor am I down playing this historic event. I’m happy that Barack Obama’s skin color did not prevent people from voting for him but I also hope he was voted for, for the right reasons. That’s not why I’m writing this post however.

I’ve seen and heard some disturbing things regarding the Black Community specifically the Black Church and Barack Obama and I just wanted to put my opinions out there about it. I was on the way home from bible study listening to talk Radio and the guy, Austin Hill was complaining because he attended a church on Nov. 9 that he believed was worshiping Barack Obama with a huge picture of the President Elect and his family. He urged listeners to just to search google about Barack Obama and the Black Church and see how many results we’d turn up. He had callers infuriated because he was condemning the Black Community for their actions. I for one agreed with him (and I rarely agree with his views)… it was wrong for people to put someone so high that it borderlines worship; for God himself said

“I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

3 “You shall have no other gods before [a] me.

4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me

Now I did what he suggested and it disturbed me… Now this one takes the cake too… I heard that there were people singing a song… the song In the Name of Jesus… and replacing the name of Jesus and inserting Barack… Now that is just wrong…. I just suggest that we check ourselves whether we are worshiping Barack Obama or something else… because it is a sin…

Side note: Barack Obama has done nothing yet… Just wait and see what he does… Also… you can’t compare him to Martin Luther King Jr. cuz he’s NOT him for one… and he’s not working for the same cause Dr. King was… Martin Luther King paved the way for this history to occur but they are as of yet… incomparable…

Calender

I’m not saying Barack Obama won’t do great things or achieve greatness… I just think people are holding him on so high of a pedestal he can do nothing but fail your expectations. You’re setting him up for failure so remember… if you’re upset don’t blame him… blame yourself.

So I always am motivated to do things by one thing or another. I’m motivated to get up in the morning because I need to go to class. I’m motivated to go to class because that’s how I get good grades. I’m motivated to get good grades because I want to graduate. I’m motivated to graduate to get my degree and a chance at a decent job. I’m motivated to do that because… well because that’s what society tells us to do.

There was a point in time when my sole motivation for going to college was so I could get a good job to be able to have my 2 youngest siblings move in with me so I could take care of and support them because I thought my step-mother and father weren’t doing a very good job because neither of them had a job or degree and it just was pretty horrible. That was 4 years ago. There also was a point in time when I said I was going to drop out of school because I was so sick and tired of it and couldn’t stand it anymore because it was holding me back from “life”. That was 3 weeks ago! Let me just say that my siblings are actually in a much worse place than they were 4 years ago when they were my motivation for getting my degree and that it’s only the grace of God that’s been keeping them thus far but they are no longer a strong enough motivation for me to complete that goal.

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Jhamir 7, Savannah 8

When I do get the motivation to clean my room, it is because I’m tired of looking at the mess and not being able to find things. Unfortunately that motivation almost always passes very quickly and I don’t mind sitting in my mess for a few more months. Its not that I totally enjoy filth, because quite frankly I really don’t like it, but more that I’m not too motivated to do something about it.

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Very old picture of my room clean in college

I’ve always been motivated to lose weight and be a smaller size. More because the scale says that I’m obese than anything else but also because I think I’d look better if I were just a lil bit smaller. My family has always called me big girl and my mom has always compared my size to hers when she was my age (she was actually quite skinny before she got pregnant with me) and all signs pointed to I need to lose weight. But then I do certain self esteem exercises where you’re supposed to love yourself the way you are and I quickly lose those motivations (which weren’t very good ones to begin with).

Me in Oct '08

Me in Oct

My pastor (I think it was my pastor LOL //*edit* it was my pastor 🙂 first lady but pastor nonetheless//) said that our motivation for doing something ought to be lined up with the Word of God because if it isn’t it won’t sustain us to the point of striving to meet that goal or expectation. I know this all too well with my failed attempts @ change and how I too often give up on things that I know are good for me to do. But the Word should drive us to be steadfast and endure because you’re not doing it for anyone but God and striving to please Him and that’s unchanging. I think she also said it should be out of our Love and Obedience towards God if I’m not mistaken.

So I’m writing this because I definitely need some accountability and PRAYER in the areas I’m trying to work on… mostly to get started but to also keep striving for excellence in completing my goal because I have a tendency to start and stop things very quickly. Now some of these things I can start doing now… and others I can’t but because certain variables are needed… but I still need to be reminded constantly of them because otherwise when I will have the opportunity to do them, I won’t forget and not do them.

So this is my Personal Growth Chart for the moment. I filled this out on my own in case you’re wondering because its all typed and what not. I typed it up and then printed it out and then scanned it as a picture so I could share it with you all because I think its a valuable tool to have. I know there are plenty of other scriptures to support cleanliness and finances I just couldn’t find them so if you have some please do share and I’ll add them and meditate on them as well!!!

MY ECC Personal Growth Chart

ECC Personal Growth Chart

Now this is an expanded comprehensive chart of areas in my character that I want to be in excellence in. Now I have some other things I’d like to do just out of shear obedience too.

  • Say my daily confessions from ECC and from Dare 2 B U group
  • Write in my journal daily from ECC, Dare 2 B U group, and my own personal journal (That’s alot of journaling LOL)
  • Share my faith with at LEAST one person a week (with a heart to go with it not just to be keeping tabs on doing my “christianly duties”.
  • Sleep no more or less than 6-8 hours a night (I currently have a sleeping issue if you couldn’t tell with my writing a blog @ 5 am)
  • Eat 3 right portioned meals a day (I currently eat 1 meal a day… it’s really bad)
  • Tell my brother (Andrew, 12) I love him a least once a day (OMG I can’t believe I just wrote that LOL) and give him a hug (You can definitely tell I didn’t come up with this one… definitely the Holy Spirit there LOL… I’ma definitely need help with THIS!!!!)
  • Pray aloud for a least 30 min a day (this is getting deep… I can pray in my head all day long if I wanted to, but aloud… this is gonna be tough)
  • Stop sucking my thumb (it’s my crutch of comfort… I’ve been doing it for 20 years… old habits die hard…)
  • Stop lying to myself (This will be hard for be accountable to but its a big deal because if I lie to myself I’ll lie to anyone for one thing and I try very hard not to lie to other people but readily accept the lies I tell to myself and secondly the lies I tell to myself are very deadly and non life giving and I really really REALLY need to stop)
  • Stop doing the things that I know I can get away with because no one knows but me and God (its nothing major like stealing but sin is sin and again its deadly so something I need to give up)
  • Write out a daily plan for my day and stick to it until I get out of the routine of laziness (Its just deplorable how I slept 15 hours today and pretty much wasted the day away sleeping)
  • Smile for a minimum of 2 hours a day ( I think this is the most difficult task on my list yet LOL)
  • Call my grandmother once a week to say hello (Whoa… have you talked to my grandmother lately??? man… Lol)

I think that’s it for now… I would hope so because that’s alot of things I need to do… but my pastor said on Sunday why work to get only one area of your life in excellence when as soon as you’re there you won’t be able to enjoy it because you look back at all of the other area’s you’re lacking in and see that they aren’t to the caliber of the one area you’re in excellence in and so you’re dissatisfied. I believe God has given me the strength, knowledge, and wisdom to be able to reach these goals. Because He desires that I mirror Jesus and walk in Excellence just as Jesus did so that He may work in me as I work for Him. I’m not saying its going to be easy… because wow… its definitely not… but its possible.

It’s been awhile since I posted… I’ve been busy and tired and extremely emotional….

I’ve got things straight wit Bowie and am registered for 14 credits: My schedule is nice

Monday: Gospel Choir 6:30-9:00 pm
Tuesday: Intro to Pedology 9:30-10:50 am
African-American History to 1865 11:00-12:20 pm
Wednesday: Voice Class 1:00-2:30 pm
Piano Class I 3:00-4:50 pm
Public Speaking 4:55-7:25 pm
Thursday: Intro to Pedology 9:30-10:50 am
African-American History to 1865 11:00-12:20 pm

I’m slightly excited about this schedule… with Majoring in Pedology and Minoring in Music.
I also have a tentative dance schedule @ my studio (Divine Dance Institute) That really excited me…

Tuesday: Modern IIIA 6:30-7:30 pm
Jazz/African IIIA 7:45-8:45 pm
Saturday: Ballet/Modern AD I 9:00-10:00 am

Yeah… all I need now is a job… I’ve had many disappointments and upsetting interviews or results of interviews… I don’t really know what I’m doing wrong… I mean I don’t have much experience in anything other than office work but I can do anything if I were to be given a chance…

This has caused me to be sad at times of course… I’m still waiting for that car…

I have been dancing alot which has been good… had to dance for a wedding and for a women’s conference…

I have faith I’ll get on track with my goals soon… I’m excited for campus ministry @ Bowie… just have to tell you Its going to be AMAZING… The vision’s key scripture is 1 John 3:16 [11-18] and pretty much love is the answer… they’ll be more on that later

Sin.

Where do I begin?

Must I start at the end,

Where I tell you I’m no longer bound

Because Jesus Christ I have found

And my sins He has pardoned

No longer must I bargain

And plead

For my life to be freed

From the sin

That I entangled myself in.

(more…)

So I was thinking about my life goals and how they are very ambitious… I found myself saying I doubt I’ll complete all of them…

Goals within the next 5 years:
Develop healthy platonic relationships (preferably ongoing within the next 4-5 months)
Move out of my mother’s house (preferably within the next 8 months to a year)
Get out of debt (preferably within the next year)
Do a summer missions project in Cairo (2-3 years?)
Do a summer missions project with CTI Ministries (1-2 years)
Make use of all the pages in my Passport and travel the world (life long)
Remaster my instrumental abilities in piano and guitar (this year)
Own an Acura for my vehicle (more…)

So often christians debate on whether we are to live in prosperity or not… they often quote the parable of the rich young ruler where Jesus told him to sell all his possessions, give to the poor and follow HIm. Or the passage where Levi sells all his possessions and repays what he’s taken from people 10 times over… Or they assert that Jesus and His disciples were homeless because they wandered around Jewish and Gentile territory for about 3 years… Well here is my opinion (backed up by scripture of course…)

First I’d like to define prosperity because I’m all about definitions and such… Prosperity is a state of material or spiritual bountifulness

(more…)

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