Bible


So I just got back from a conference studying Acts and just seeing how on fire for God the early church was right when they received the Holy Spirit and I am excited.

I was just watching the 700 Club (yes I’m old… but it came on after Secret Life on ABC Family and I didn’t have my remote on-hand) and saw this one report of a Iraqi Christian who was tortured for 7 months for his conversion to Christianity from Islam… Everyday he endured gruesome torture of eclectic shock, beating, and much more… and you know what he said constantly to the men who was doing this to him? Jesus loves you!!! And you know what else… he smuggled a bible in the prison and EVANGELIZED to the very guards who would beat him every day and got 4 to convert!!!

This is just awesome and yet so convicting… He allowed the Holy Spirit to work through him the whole time he was in that prison… never backing down on his proclamation of Christ… yet I have crippling fear to proclaim Jesus as the only way to God because I might be rejected or might offend… The early Christians all died proclaiming Christ… from persecution… are you willing to do the same???

So this week has been really rough for me… mostly due to the fact that I haven’t been really trusting God with a situation that I’m facing. I can’t remember who said it but a good truth that I heard recently was that most of the time we don’t entrust God with the little things in our lives and don’t put that into practice, and then when a big thing arises we go to God but we don’t really go correctly because we haven’t been really going to God with the other things… This is somewhat the case for me… I will honestly admit that I haven’t given hadn’t given my WHOLE life to God… mostly due to lack of faith (which is silly because that brings up doubt in the sovereignty of God and His power and love and I might as well not believe in God at all if that is going to be my mentality) My problem… I don’t constantly meditate on the word or on God’s promises to me… and I don’t confess them daily… so while I may know them when they are spoken to me or when I come across them in scripture, I am hard pressed to know what to say/pray when in urgent need… and THAT is very dangerous… I have been getting by thus far through knowing who to go to when this happens who can speak truth into situations and pray with power… but its time out for dependence on people with that… I can pray for myself and know how to get into the presence of God… I need to be able to pray in times of crisis and personal need too… depending on the Only True God and not man…

I’m not sure why this situation is arising… and my pastors always say God doesn’t need to use bad things to get your attention… like God doesn’t need to break your ankle to tell you you need to rest… He can just do it… But it doesn’t really matter why anymore… because the lesson that I’m learning that’ll last me a lifetime… and the devil can be mad because I already had victory over this situation before I even knew it existed…

So I am questioning if this is my refining process… Its funny because in our leadership meeting @ the beginning of the semester we studied John 15 and I was the only one who spoke up saying I don’t know if I like this refining business… I mean like really it just doesn’t sound like fun to me… Mind you I wasn’t really looking at the other option (being cut off and pretty much dying) I was just focused on how pruning and cleansing had the potential to be very painful… So after wallowing in self-pity for half the week I have finally been awakened to the reality of the situation… and I can praise God for that… This was awakened through a note someone wrote on facebook which I believe he said is from My Utmost for His Highest… (which now after reading this I might want that book) 

“Bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the altar.” The altar means fire—burning and purification and insulation for one purpose only, the destruction of every affinity that God has not started and of every attachment that is not an attachment in God. You do not destroy it, God does; you bind the sacrifice to the horns of the altar; and see that you do not give way to self-pity when the fire begins. After this way of fire, there is nothing that oppresses or depresses. When the crisis arises, you realize that things cannot touch you as they used to do. What is your way of fire?

I’ve been praying and asking God to consume my worship… and I believe that in order to do that… with that fire, he has to purify me… that means cutting me off from my past completely… something I sometimes try to hold on to… or sometimes beat myself up for… But God doesn’t remember our sins and I continually do not need to remember them either… this goes back to a message we heard in Atlanta… Remember in the Hebrew translation means to bring into the present… I know ya’ll may not understand… but its ok… if someone gets it that’s kool… they can understand why I cry these tears of joy right now… Just another praise for my testimony… of how Great… Awesome… Marvelous… Wonderful… Splendorous… Incredible… Mighty… I could go on… MY GOD is… Oh I’m excited… It may have not been immediate but I got there… I could scream…  I can’t even type no more I’m so excited… My God… Ya’ll just don’t know… Giving God my EVERYTHING… my WHOLE BEING… I am SO on FIRE

A poem I wrote in Atlanta called Remember Me

December 29, 2008- Dr Jeanne Porter (Apostolic Church of God)

RESTORATION- Jonah 2:1-2, Jonah 4

Restoration- going back to original intent that God had

Dr Porter really gave us an insightful view to Jonah and why he didn’t want to go to Nineveh and paralleled it with the black community. She started with teaching us about Bennett’s Model of Intercultural Sensitivity. There are 2 branches of this model which 3 subsets under each.

Ethnocentric- Denial, Defense, Minimization
Ethnorelative- Acceptance, Adaptation, Integration

Denial of course is saying that there is no cultural difference… like saying to a person who is of a different culture as you “I don’t see color… I only see people”

Defense is when one acknowledges the existence of certain cultural
differences, but because those differences are threatening to his or her own reality and sense of self, the individual constructs defenses against those differences.

Minimization is when one acknowledges cultural differences, but trivializes them, believing that human similarities far outweigh any differences.

Acceptance is when one recognizes and values cultural differences
without evaluating those differences as positive or negative.

Adaptation is when one begins to develop and improve skills for interacting and communicating with people of other cultures through perspective-shifting, the ability to look at the world “through different eyes.”

Integration is when one constantly defines their own identity and evaluating behavior and values in contrast to and in concert with a multitude of cultures. Rising above the limitations of living in one cultural context, these individuals integrate aspects of their own original cultural perspectives with those of other cultures.

Now what does this have to do with Jonah? Well Nineveh was a wicked city… We got that from the text right… Well Nineveh is apart of this wonderful country of Assyria… who was pretty much really evil and fought dirty. They had tormented and tortured every nation that conquered and it was pretty bad. They were especially bad to Israel (Jonah’s nation). So Jonah pretty much had a grudge against Nineveh and there was no way he wanted to go preach to them.

The tie back to us was that there are some places we don’t want to go because of our heart toward those places or things. And that we as a black community deal with alot of those things because of the oppression that we suffered way back in slavery… but that’s not an excuse for us to stay there… Some of the things she mentioned were Addictions, Anger & Rage, Defensiveness, and need to prove ourselves.

After her message she had us come up front to the alter and pray to God to work in our hearts on the issues we dealt with whether those that she mentioned or others. It was really freeing and great. I did have alot of rage inside… I never act on it because it’s bottled up. (unlike my brother who scares me sometimes…) Anywho God dealt with that and I just love that he does things we don’t expect when we don’t expect it.

To Be Continued….

Speaker Bio: Dr. Jeanne Porter is an ordained minister with the Pentecostal Assemblies of the World, and is an associate minister at the Apostolic Church of God in Chicago. Dr. Porter received both Bachelor and Master of Science degrees in Industrial and Systems Engineering from The Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio, the Master of Arts of Theological Studies from McCormick Theological Seminary, in Chicago, Illinois, and the Doctor of Philosophy in Communication, with an emphasis in Cultural Studies from Ohio University in Athens, Ohio. You may visit www.TransPorterGroup.com to learn more about Dr Jeanne Porter and her work for the Kingdom.

December 28- Ram Sridharan (THE Ohio State University)

REPENTANCE- 2 Chronicles 26:16-22; Isaiah 6:1-8

So Ram started the conference off with talks of repentance being that if we are to be well equipped leaders we must begin with a vision of God, and our own sin. We must know that God is sovereign and hear his voice and obey it. This was a great kick off to the conference I must say because it just gave us a bigger view of God and a reverance for God. We learned that God is Holy Cubed 🙂

Isaiah 6:1-8

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.  And they were calling to one another:
“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.”

Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar.  With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

We all we called to a time of repentance to confess our sins before God and before one another so that when we heard the call we could say… “Here we are. Send us!” What an experience that was, even though I was doing accountability the next day I confessed somethings (that I’ve never confessed with a stranger before) and got prayer of forgiveness from a staff worker and it really helped me begin to shake off the bad attitude I had from the rooming situation because I admitted how self-centered I was. Good Stuff…

To Be Continued

Speaker Bio:

Ram Sridharan is on staff with IVCF as Team Leader of the Undergraduate Ministries at Ohio State. He grew up as a third culture kid, living most of his life in Tanzania, Kenya, South India and then the United States for his college education. Ram studied Microbiology as an undergraduate and went on to study Folklore and later Human Resources for his masters. He served as a career counselor for a number of years at the University where he worked to create the African American Peer Mentoring Program. Ram has served as a volunteer for 8 years with InterVarsity before coming on staff full time in 2002. Since then he has helped launch Ignite, the Black Student Chapter at Ohio State, lead a series of Bible Studies and GIG’s with Black Fraternities and has supervised Black staff and volunteers.

So LOTS means Lessons Outside the Sessions 🙂

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The enemy’s been defeated. Death couldn’t hold you down. Gonna lift our voice in victory. Gonna make our praises loud. Shout unto God with a voice of triumph, shout unto God with a voice of praise. Shout unto God with a voice of triumph. We lift your name up, we lift your name up!

I saw it fitting to begin again with this song because It is what I’ll be talking about next. So I guess its time for the spiritual journeys and lessons learned at ATL ’08 outside of the seminars and sessions… This is where my life was transformed the most anyway which is why I just love conferences.

So we arrive at the conference center around 2 pm which is good considering we left late because someone was having some issues and overslept or something ( I never really got the story but it didn’t matter) AND because our van was trippin and shaking while we were on the road at first (but thank God through prayer and faith it stopped and we made it safely). So we register and right then and there I’m like smacked in the face with a test. Why? Well somehow I got separated from the group when they were doing housing and so I was pretty much isolated on my own in a different building with a roommate I didn’t know. Now for some people they’re thinking ok, big deal, so what? Yeah well for me this was a very big deal because I saw this as me needing to do more work than I had anticipated (to be included with the group) and (probably more honestly) was willing to do. The fact of the matter was, I didn’t need help isolating myself from the group, because I did that well enough when we were together anyway. So yeah, this was a big problem and I let everyone know it. LOL! I am moping because I will be forced to extend myself to other people when I wasn’t really close with the group I came with in the first place and saw the conference as a potential bonding time. Aren’t we glad that our ideas aren’t God’s ideas? I mean really like I mentioned it wasn’t even the fact that I was with someone I didn’t know… because meeting people is the story of my life… but it was just the fact that we weren’t even in the same building… and like it was a pretty far walk in between, so I doubted anyone would visit my room and vice versa (which actually became true LOL)… So I cry and call my bff (who didn’t answer) so I yell @ God and He smiles and laughs @ me… and then speaks to me through my staff worker saying “Maybe God put you there for a reason. Don’t let this ruin the whole conference for you.” I wish I could say the Hallelujah Chorus rang and I had instant revelation and was all good from that point then… ha! No… My response in my mind was yeah, I know he put me there for a reason and I don’t like it at all… and my verbal response was Yeah, whatever, I’ll get over it. And I did… but that didn’t stop me from being upset at certain points in the conference when what I expected to happen happened like my being in another part of the main conference room because I wasn’t with them when we entered or my eating meals with strangers because we couldn’t coordinate to eat together or the free times I spent alone in my room because I waited for phone calls or text messages to see what they were doing that never came… But in all of that God spoke to me… because he really let me know I had no right to be upset because I really didn’t voice clearly to my group how I felt or what I wanted or expected… what I “expected” for them to do was read my mind… what I “expected” them to do was to think about me and make sure I was included (as if they were intentionally excluding me)… God really forced me to grow up and stop being a baby in that area of expecting people to like cater to my wants and desires… and I’m sure that’s apart of what He had in store when he placed me where he did. Also my roommate was pretty awesome and amazing and blessed my life beyond imagine and made me want to cry and shout all @ the same time in certain occasions where I now have a mutual connection with a good sister and friend that probably wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t roommates.

So for the conference we had morning corporate prayer times (non-mandatory) where we’d get up early 7:30 am and go to this room and pray with the leading of a staff worker. Prayer is amazing… but corporate prayer is just so powerful, especially the way we did it… like it was just such a lifter and a boost in the mornings and I actually kinda miss it and wish I had someone to pray with in the mornings LOL… (I used to try to get us to do family morning prayer times… it didn’t really work too well cuz my mom didn’t like me trying to tell her what to do LOL) anywho… it just really stirred up a fire within me every morning and I was ready to face the day and it was just so great… I don’t even know how else to describe it… and like you’d think it was something great and spectacular, it was just prayer but prayer is awesome! LOL Spending time with Daddy is awesome! 🙂

So speaking of prayer and spending time with God… 🙂 December 30th… Don’t remember what time it was cuz I was pretty out of it afterward… but woo… I already know I won’t do this experience justice BUT I will try… so we did an all conference corporate prayer time after one of our main sessions… they said they were just going to let the Holy Spirit move and whatever happens, happens… HA! Like nothing I’ve EVER experienced before in my life… we started by praising God through reading praise scriptures simultaneously and we were to read and read until the “Holy Hush” (we would just know when it was time to be quiet, no one would tell us) came and would get further instructions from the Holy Spirit there after… Let me tell you the Holy Spirit just rained down like fire on that place after the Holy Hush… we were lead into a corporate moan/scream/crying out to God and I don’t know about anyone else but I was floored (face down prostrate)… and then one of the staff workers prayed over me things that I hadn’t told anyone but that only God knew… and said things that God had told me before but I had forgotten… and such a peace came over me when I got up off the floor (oh and somehow everyone got floored LOL) I couldn’t stand still I was so full of the Spirit and I was FREE like all of my pain vanished (even the physical pain that I came in there with) and all my emotional wounds healed, and in that moment, God took the time to make me whole and tell me I didn’t need to look to any other person for the love and affection that he was currently bestowing upon me.  He was telling me that He was always with me… even in those dark times when I felt that He wasn’t… That HE was the whispers in the night saying Don’t Do it your life is too precious… That HE knew me better than I even knew myself and HE would never leave me and I was protected with Him… and I began to think back to the times where I felt like dying and felt like death had a grip on me… where I felt so close to the edge I just might have jumped… AND I just praised and praised and praised… and that praise has been etched in my heart… and I began singing songs I didn’t know but I was singing and I don’t remember any of the words to the songs but I remember the staff worker praying that I’d be filled with songs of Joy and I totally was… and THEN 🙂 another staff worker led by the Spirit got on the microphone and began to sing theme song!

The enemy’s been defeated. Death couldn’t hold you down. Gonna lift our voice in victory. Gonna make our praises loud. Shout unto God with a voice of triumph, shout unto God with a voice of praise. Shout unto God with a voice of triumph. We lift your name up, we lift your name up!

Talks with my roommate really helped me grow… I know we were talking about places God has called us to be where we don’t want to be and she has been to the place where I don’t want to be but am supposed to go… and I hadn’t told her about it yet… and she just randomly brought it up and was talking about it and I was just like shut up (not the bad shut up LOL) and wanted to walk out cuz at that point I hadn’t like fully committed to go and of course God would bring it up and our conversation like I’m not going to let you forget about this missy! LOL

To Be Continued

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The enemy’s been defeated. Death couldn’t hold you down. Gonna lift our voice in victory. Gonna make our praises loud. Shout unto God with a voice of triumph, shout unto God with a voice of praise. Shout unto God with a voice of triumph. We lift your name up, we lift your name up!

This is the song that marked the most pivotal day in my life. The words speak for themselves because God literally snatched me up from death on December 30, 2008.

But I’ll begin with the beginning because that’s always the best place to begin. The beginning is not even in Atlanta. I don’t remember the exact dates or anything of the sort but when this year began I was excited about the national black student conference in Atlanta because I went to Atlanta ’05 and it was just phenomenal and I knew that this year would be the same if not better because I was in a TOTALLY different place than I was in ’05. I was pretty much ok in my walk with Jesus and I had been through some stuff!!! So I looked forward to the conference, until my staff worker told me that the conference had been changed to a student leadership conference and the numbers had been cut short, meaning only a selected few would be able to attend the conference. I was like aww that’s a bummer, I was looking forward to going again. I think at that point I had been telling people about it, and I was still at York College of Pennsylvania. Well then I probably would still be able to go because I was the only black student leader in our fellowship who would go to a black student conference. Then she told me it was a certain number by region… I was like really bummed then. Not only that, I went through some things that caused me to no longer attend York College and I was now a student at Bowie State University, among many black leaders because its an HBCU (which is a testimony that I even go to an HBCU LOL). So I had my mind set that I was NOT attending this conference, which was confirmed when my staff worker informed me of her selections of students for the conference. I was totally happy for them, and even hounded one of the students to sign up because I was telling her it’ll be awesome and life changing for her and she just needed to sign up and stop faking! I still had it in my heart’s desire to go and felt like I could totally grow in being there but I was content in knowing I would hear great stories of their experiences.

Well so God had it for me to go to this conference. Registration became open so where there was no longer only a selected few would be allowed to go and changed to first come first serve basis. I was excited and I was like I’m going to go!!! And then… I began looking at the things placed before me. Like money (or the lack there of which was going to be needed for the conference), or transportation, or even the desires of my family that I be with them over the holidays (why I don’t know LOL). Money was the most deciding factor, and I was like yeah… I can’t afford a plane ticket and the cost of the conference… it was a nice thought that I was allowed to go BUT yeah I’m not going… My lovely sister/staff worker spoke truth to me in saying You know not to let money be a deterring factor for you not to go somewhere. If God wants you at this conference He will make a way for you to get there. So unless you heard from God that you shouldn’t go, don’t be discouraged. She pumped me up for real! I started speaking in faith, I’m going to Atlanta while doing my happy dance. The other students who signed up for the conference had signed up in faith because they too did not have the funds for a plane ticket. For some reason too they waited and waited to buy the plane tickets like the tickets were just going to miraculously drop to an affordable price (which God could’ve done if He wanted to btw). My bff gives (loans :))  me the $100 registration fee for the conference so I join them in signing up in faith that somehow, someway we’d get to Atlanta. Ok so the conference costs $425 at this point and we’ve all paid $100. Our school gives us each $100 towards the trip. Our region has a scholarship of $200 for us for the trip. And we’re left with a $25 balance. Praise God, Praise God. THEN, (here’s the really really good part) someone on Intervarsity Staff offers their minivan (with just enough seats to fit us in) for us to drive down to Atlanta in and all we’d have to do is fill up the gas tank (which ended up being $20 per person!). So God takes our impossibles and makes them possible! Well so really I was rejoicing with this news, but still operating in faith because I still had no money so even the $45 would be work for me to get. I couldn’t ask  my mother or bff. I told my grandmother about my trip and what I was doing and guess what. She gave me $150!

To Be Continued

Drew and I

So if you’ve been following my blog or just know about my life you’ll know that my relationship with my family wasn’t the best of relationships… particularly between my 12 year old brother and I… First he thinks that he’s the older brother rather than the younger brother AND he thinks he’s 21 instead of 12 (which I would STILL be older than him btw)… so he hates for me to tell him what to do and we’d always fight or I’d want to hurt him because he wouldn’t listen to me or just would get on my nerves…

Well so this is what happened… A while ago I made up my mind I would be nicer to my brother and even go as far as give him a hug and tell him I love him everyday… yeah so God was funny to tell me to do that… but what was even funnier was the fact that when I didn’t do it… my brother started doing it to me… so he hugs me and tells me he loves me everyday… For the first time we’re getting along and its really great.. We went shopping on Christmas Eve and he’s been sleeping in my room ever since… LOL We haven’t gotten into an argument and I even tried to stick up for him when my mom wanted to take his way too expensive jeans back (even though I agreed that he shouldn’t buy them)…

So pretty much when I even thought about being obedient to God he gave me a change of heart towards him… So that’s the end of our sibling rivalry

So today was the last bible study of the semester @ Bowie *tear*… and God had a word for us that was specifically for each one of us as well as to all of us… and it was that He LOVED us… a concept seemingly so simple and yet I was so overwhelmed with joy that I fought back tears 🙂

I’m always just so amazed by God’s love…

So I was having a conversation with a friend about forgiveness and how I’ve been really NOT doing that… (Even though it was something I dealt with this summer in June <- click to read post) like I know I should forgive and that love keeps no record of wrong and all that… but I just get tired of it after awhile… and I said this to her and she just smiles and says well thankfully God doesn’t… (Ain’t that the truth!!!!)

She reminded me of the scripture in Matthew 6:14-15 that the message bible puts like this:

In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part.

So clear and simple… forgive others so that we can be forgiven (and oh do I NEED forgiveness) I am also reminded about the passage in Matthew where Peter asks how many times we should forgive someone who hurts us… and throws out his maximum number of 7… like Peter was saying… 7 is too many anyway maybe Jesus will commend me for being willing to forgive THAT many times… but no… Jesus says Hardly!… try 70 times 7…

And then what gets me is my thinking that I have the right NOT to forgive when I’m in the same boat as the person I need to extend my forgiveness to… I’m in need of a savior… Nothing I’ve done makes me right but only because God loved ME so much to send His son to die for me

This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God. ~1 John 4:9-10 Msg

Not only die for ME and my sins… but while I was still a sinner…

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. ~Romans 5:6-8 Msg

So to you, you, and especially YOU… I forgive you and release all bitterness, anger, hatred, loathe… and any other negative adjective I can’t think of right now that may have been inside of me because of what you’ve done to me… Not because I am such a good person but because God is in me and desires me whole and He forgave you @ the cross so I forgive you now…

So here I am @ 4 am awake, writing another blog… I have sleep issues and I need to get that fixed…

So I took a poll about what I should blog about and apparently the few faithfuls would like to hear my opinion about Obama and the black church surprise surprise LOL…

So yeah… I don’t even really know how to start this post… I want to say I’m not dissing Barack Obama, nor am I down playing this historic event. I’m happy that Barack Obama’s skin color did not prevent people from voting for him but I also hope he was voted for, for the right reasons. That’s not why I’m writing this post however.

I’ve seen and heard some disturbing things regarding the Black Community specifically the Black Church and Barack Obama and I just wanted to put my opinions out there about it. I was on the way home from bible study listening to talk Radio and the guy, Austin Hill was complaining because he attended a church on Nov. 9 that he believed was worshiping Barack Obama with a huge picture of the President Elect and his family. He urged listeners to just to search google about Barack Obama and the Black Church and see how many results we’d turn up. He had callers infuriated because he was condemning the Black Community for their actions. I for one agreed with him (and I rarely agree with his views)… it was wrong for people to put someone so high that it borderlines worship; for God himself said

“I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

3 “You shall have no other gods before [a] me.

4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me

Now I did what he suggested and it disturbed me… Now this one takes the cake too… I heard that there were people singing a song… the song In the Name of Jesus… and replacing the name of Jesus and inserting Barack… Now that is just wrong…. I just suggest that we check ourselves whether we are worshiping Barack Obama or something else… because it is a sin…

Side note: Barack Obama has done nothing yet… Just wait and see what he does… Also… you can’t compare him to Martin Luther King Jr. cuz he’s NOT him for one… and he’s not working for the same cause Dr. King was… Martin Luther King paved the way for this history to occur but they are as of yet… incomparable…

Calender

I’m not saying Barack Obama won’t do great things or achieve greatness… I just think people are holding him on so high of a pedestal he can do nothing but fail your expectations. You’re setting him up for failure so remember… if you’re upset don’t blame him… blame yourself.

So I always am motivated to do things by one thing or another. I’m motivated to get up in the morning because I need to go to class. I’m motivated to go to class because that’s how I get good grades. I’m motivated to get good grades because I want to graduate. I’m motivated to graduate to get my degree and a chance at a decent job. I’m motivated to do that because… well because that’s what society tells us to do.

There was a point in time when my sole motivation for going to college was so I could get a good job to be able to have my 2 youngest siblings move in with me so I could take care of and support them because I thought my step-mother and father weren’t doing a very good job because neither of them had a job or degree and it just was pretty horrible. That was 4 years ago. There also was a point in time when I said I was going to drop out of school because I was so sick and tired of it and couldn’t stand it anymore because it was holding me back from “life”. That was 3 weeks ago! Let me just say that my siblings are actually in a much worse place than they were 4 years ago when they were my motivation for getting my degree and that it’s only the grace of God that’s been keeping them thus far but they are no longer a strong enough motivation for me to complete that goal.

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Jhamir 7, Savannah 8

When I do get the motivation to clean my room, it is because I’m tired of looking at the mess and not being able to find things. Unfortunately that motivation almost always passes very quickly and I don’t mind sitting in my mess for a few more months. Its not that I totally enjoy filth, because quite frankly I really don’t like it, but more that I’m not too motivated to do something about it.

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Very old picture of my room clean in college

I’ve always been motivated to lose weight and be a smaller size. More because the scale says that I’m obese than anything else but also because I think I’d look better if I were just a lil bit smaller. My family has always called me big girl and my mom has always compared my size to hers when she was my age (she was actually quite skinny before she got pregnant with me) and all signs pointed to I need to lose weight. But then I do certain self esteem exercises where you’re supposed to love yourself the way you are and I quickly lose those motivations (which weren’t very good ones to begin with).

Me in Oct '08

Me in Oct

My pastor (I think it was my pastor LOL //*edit* it was my pastor 🙂 first lady but pastor nonetheless//) said that our motivation for doing something ought to be lined up with the Word of God because if it isn’t it won’t sustain us to the point of striving to meet that goal or expectation. I know this all too well with my failed attempts @ change and how I too often give up on things that I know are good for me to do. But the Word should drive us to be steadfast and endure because you’re not doing it for anyone but God and striving to please Him and that’s unchanging. I think she also said it should be out of our Love and Obedience towards God if I’m not mistaken.

So I’m writing this because I definitely need some accountability and PRAYER in the areas I’m trying to work on… mostly to get started but to also keep striving for excellence in completing my goal because I have a tendency to start and stop things very quickly. Now some of these things I can start doing now… and others I can’t but because certain variables are needed… but I still need to be reminded constantly of them because otherwise when I will have the opportunity to do them, I won’t forget and not do them.

So this is my Personal Growth Chart for the moment. I filled this out on my own in case you’re wondering because its all typed and what not. I typed it up and then printed it out and then scanned it as a picture so I could share it with you all because I think its a valuable tool to have. I know there are plenty of other scriptures to support cleanliness and finances I just couldn’t find them so if you have some please do share and I’ll add them and meditate on them as well!!!

MY ECC Personal Growth Chart

ECC Personal Growth Chart

Now this is an expanded comprehensive chart of areas in my character that I want to be in excellence in. Now I have some other things I’d like to do just out of shear obedience too.

  • Say my daily confessions from ECC and from Dare 2 B U group
  • Write in my journal daily from ECC, Dare 2 B U group, and my own personal journal (That’s alot of journaling LOL)
  • Share my faith with at LEAST one person a week (with a heart to go with it not just to be keeping tabs on doing my “christianly duties”.
  • Sleep no more or less than 6-8 hours a night (I currently have a sleeping issue if you couldn’t tell with my writing a blog @ 5 am)
  • Eat 3 right portioned meals a day (I currently eat 1 meal a day… it’s really bad)
  • Tell my brother (Andrew, 12) I love him a least once a day (OMG I can’t believe I just wrote that LOL) and give him a hug (You can definitely tell I didn’t come up with this one… definitely the Holy Spirit there LOL… I’ma definitely need help with THIS!!!!)
  • Pray aloud for a least 30 min a day (this is getting deep… I can pray in my head all day long if I wanted to, but aloud… this is gonna be tough)
  • Stop sucking my thumb (it’s my crutch of comfort… I’ve been doing it for 20 years… old habits die hard…)
  • Stop lying to myself (This will be hard for be accountable to but its a big deal because if I lie to myself I’ll lie to anyone for one thing and I try very hard not to lie to other people but readily accept the lies I tell to myself and secondly the lies I tell to myself are very deadly and non life giving and I really really REALLY need to stop)
  • Stop doing the things that I know I can get away with because no one knows but me and God (its nothing major like stealing but sin is sin and again its deadly so something I need to give up)
  • Write out a daily plan for my day and stick to it until I get out of the routine of laziness (Its just deplorable how I slept 15 hours today and pretty much wasted the day away sleeping)
  • Smile for a minimum of 2 hours a day ( I think this is the most difficult task on my list yet LOL)
  • Call my grandmother once a week to say hello (Whoa… have you talked to my grandmother lately??? man… Lol)

I think that’s it for now… I would hope so because that’s alot of things I need to do… but my pastor said on Sunday why work to get only one area of your life in excellence when as soon as you’re there you won’t be able to enjoy it because you look back at all of the other area’s you’re lacking in and see that they aren’t to the caliber of the one area you’re in excellence in and so you’re dissatisfied. I believe God has given me the strength, knowledge, and wisdom to be able to reach these goals. Because He desires that I mirror Jesus and walk in Excellence just as Jesus did so that He may work in me as I work for Him. I’m not saying its going to be easy… because wow… its definitely not… but its possible.

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