So I woke up today in an extra good mood. I think I’ll credit restarting blogging because that’s the only change that was made.

Writing does relieve stress so I’ve resolved to try to do it more as not to go insane.

So someone commented on my blog today even though I hadn’t posted anything in almost 3 years. This led me to come back onto my blog and read all the old entries and assess how much my life has changed since then and boy has it ever.

One thing that stood out to me the most about my posts was how close I seemed to be with God at the time. It seems genuine enough but that as been a journey in itself as of late.

So jus a few updates since the last time I’ve blogged which was a long while ago:

-I got a car for my 23rd bday, it’s since died and I got a new car which I have a lovely car payment for
-I did finally graduate from college (Fall 2011) with my Bachelors of Science in Business Administration Management
-I left my church and God in 2010 to live my life my way, went back and recently left again for similar yet different reasons (I have a new church, well kinda)
-I haven’t found a job in my field that I’d like to work however I have one that pays the bills
-My life has been “wonderful” (full of tests and trials)

So I’m going to try and blog more because of that last one to try and find a better way to handle life’s struggles than how I have been. I’ll give more details about certain things later if I’m so led.

I haven’t been on here in a min… this, or twitter… FB consumes my life… I need to update more but I don’t have a cpu right now… boo

So I told you I joined twitter recently… well¬†a blogging friend of mine does this thing where she updates you weekly on the happenings @ twitter just in case you missed something… and I think it’s pretty cool… so I’m going to do it too… of course it’ll just be the important stuff I think you need to know ūüôā

http://twitpic.com/1wzcq – Behold my Strawberry Deliciousness… It makes everything right in the world¬†¬†

It’s official… I’m addicted to twitter! It consumes my thoughts. How scary.

http://twitpic.com/1wnkb – The store I went to didn’t have any pop tarts so I settled for these

Spring Break- when sleeping in means waking up @ 8 am instead of 4 am…

Playing Bejeweled on tv!!!! You wish you were so cool…¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†

Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush

@mandyconforth @machroi @dg4G I stand firm on my undying love for pop tarts… and of course the person who started this 45 min ago is gone

@inprogresspop tarts are my oreos… and I think you just killed them for me… ūüė¶

Might be going to Disneyland this summer… West Coast here I come!!!!

I just uploaded a video of my bro on youtube http://tinyurl.com/ctbw95Must see internet! (cuz its not TV LOL)

I’ve resorted to nail biting… I guess its better than thumb-sucking

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What time do you have to get up in the morning for work or school?
What do you think about dating vs. courting… refer to article (relevance Philippians verse on love)
What is the best vacation spot?

I have a twitter account now and its actually quite fun…

http://twitter.com/dancergyrl4eva

So tell me if you have twitter so I can follow you! ūüôā

So I’m here in blogging land… I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to really write anything… plus the things I want to write about are so deep everytime I sit to write I get lost in my thoughts and end up saving the draft all over again… no lie I have like 3 drafts of blogs with plenty more sitting in my head waiting to come out… so I’ll be back once I get my thoughts together… I promise! Oh and I am reading your blogs ūüėČ I just also start to comment and get distracted and forget what I’m writing… yeah a mess I know…

So I just got back from a conference studying Acts and just seeing how on fire for God the early church was right when they received the Holy Spirit and I am excited.

I was just watching the 700 Club (yes I’m old… but it came on after Secret Life on ABC Family and I didn’t have my remote on-hand) and saw this one report of a Iraqi Christian who was tortured for 7 months for his conversion to Christianity from Islam… Everyday he endured gruesome torture of eclectic shock, beating, and much more… and you know what he said constantly to the men who was doing this to him? Jesus loves you!!! And you know what else… he smuggled a bible in the prison and EVANGELIZED to the very guards who would beat him every day and got 4 to convert!!!

This is just awesome and yet so convicting… He allowed the Holy Spirit to work through him the whole time he was in that prison… never backing down on his proclamation of Christ… yet I have crippling fear to proclaim Jesus as the only way to God because I might be rejected or might offend… The early Christians all died proclaiming Christ… from persecution… are you willing to do the same???

So this week has been really rough for me… mostly due to the fact that I haven’t been really trusting God with a situation that I’m facing. I can’t remember who said it but a good truth that I heard recently was that most of the time we don’t entrust God with the little things in our lives and don’t put that into practice, and then when a big thing arises we go to God but we don’t really go correctly because we haven’t been really going to God with the other things… This is somewhat the case for me… I will honestly admit that I haven’t given hadn’t given my WHOLE life to God… mostly due to lack of faith (which is silly because that brings up doubt in the sovereignty of God and His power and love and I might as well not believe in God at all if that is going to be my mentality) My problem… I don’t constantly meditate on the word or on God’s promises to me… and I don’t confess them daily… so while I may know them when they are spoken to me or when I come across them in scripture, I am hard pressed to know what to say/pray when in urgent need… and¬†THAT is very dangerous… I have been getting by thus far through knowing who to go¬†to when this happens who can speak truth into situations and pray with power… but its time out for dependence on people with that… I can pray for myself and know how to get into the presence of God… I need to be able to pray in times of crisis and personal need too… depending on the Only True God and not man…

I’m not sure why this situation is arising… and my pastors always say God doesn’t need to use bad things¬†to get your attention… like God doesn’t need to break your ankle to tell you you need to rest…¬†He can just do it… But it doesn’t really matter why anymore… because the lesson that I’m learning that’ll last me a lifetime… and the devil can be mad because I already had victory over this situation before I even knew it existed…

So I am questioning if this is my refining process… Its funny because in our leadership meeting¬†@ the beginning of the semester we studied John 15 and I was the only one who spoke up saying I don’t know if I like this refining business… I mean like really it just doesn’t sound like fun to me… Mind you I wasn’t really looking at the other option (being cut off and pretty much dying) I was just focused on how pruning and cleansing had the potential to be very painful… So after wallowing in self-pity for half the week I have finally¬†been awakened to the reality of the situation… and I can praise God for that…¬†This was awakened through¬†a note someone wrote on facebook which I believe he said is¬†from My Utmost¬†for His Highest… (which now after reading this I might want that book)¬†

“Bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the altar.” The altar means fire‚ÄĒburning and purification and insulation for one purpose only, the destruction of every affinity that God has not started and of every attachment that is not an attachment in God. You do not destroy it, God does; you bind the sacrifice to the horns of the altar; and see that you do not give way to self-pity when the fire begins. After this way of fire, there is nothing that oppresses or depresses. When the crisis arises, you realize that things cannot touch you as they used to do. What is your way of fire?

I’ve been praying and asking God to consume my worship… and I believe that in order to do that… with that fire, he has to purify me… that means cutting me off from my past completely… something I sometimes try to hold on to… or sometimes beat myself up for… But God doesn’t remember our sins and I continually do not need to remember them either… this goes back to a message we heard in Atlanta… Remember in the Hebrew translation means to bring into the present… I know ya’ll may not understand… but its ok… if someone gets it that’s kool… they can understand why I cry these tears of joy right now… Just another praise for my testimony… of how Great… Awesome… Marvelous… Wonderful… Splendorous… Incredible… Mighty…¬†I could go on…¬†MY GOD is… Oh I’m excited… It may have not¬†been immediate but I got there… I could scream…¬†¬†I can’t even type no more I’m so excited… My God… Ya’ll just don’t know… Giving God my EVERYTHING… my WHOLE BEING… I am SO on FIRE

A poem I wrote in Atlanta called Remember Me

This is a song written by my campus minister’s best friend and we sang it at a conference last weekend and I haven’t been able to let it go since… I just had to share it with everyone else cuz it’s a great song

Consume my Worship- Eboni Speight

You are, You are the King of Glory
Worshipping You only
I bow before Your throne
For you are God alone

Consume my worship
Consume my worship

Let the fire on the altar never go out, never go out!
Let the fire on the altar never go out, never go out!

There are so many things I’m excited for and I’m just happy that God has given me joy after my praying and going to bed a little sad last night!

I’m excited for Release!!! Our Black Regional Student Conference with Intervarsity! I’m excited because I’m expecting God to show up in mighty ways and speak into my life like he’s done so many times before… because I get to see so many wonderful faces that I haven’t seen in a while like My BFF ANGELA!!!! and PATRICE!!!! and my wonderful roommate from Atlanta ’08 ALEX!!!! and the potential of meeting new wonderful faces from different schools that people are going to bring… it’s going to be awesome!!!

Work was awesome today!!! I got my babies back! Last week someone was out so I had to be with the middle schoolers and I was very unhappy because they don’t listen to me like at all… but today I got to go back to where my heart is and was welcomed with hugs and opened arms cuz they were happy to see me! They don’t know I was just as happy to see them… cuz I had an incident with the middle schoolers and a parent was upset and that made me upset and I really was worried that I did something wrong, but I talked to the principal about it and she said that the kids told the truth which really made me feel better because the one girl was lying to her mother and making me look bad and the parent was going to talk to the principal and I didn’t know what that outcome was going to bring… but now that the girl owned up to it the pressure is off of me! Plus the director of Aftercare came in my class today and told me I was doing a very good job and that just boosted my day because I worry about that sometimes and just need that word of affirmation to know that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing because I do try my best.

I got to spend time with Utibe today in DC… which was great because even though it was crowded and our time was short we got to talk a little bit and catch up after Atlanta before she makes that trip back to LA… Utibe and I did an Urban Project with Intervarsity in 2006 together. We spent some time reminiscing on that crazy summer! LOL Good times…

Oh and at driving school today my driving instructor asked us what it meant to be saved and it was great just to be able to openly share about Christ in a setting you wouldn’t think of as the place for that… and I found out that one of the students in the class is a freshman @ Bowie State… God is SO funny… connection over break? I mean really WHAT is the likelihood of that happening? Needless to say I’m going to try to connect with her and maybe even try to get her to come to Release… she does attend church… I wonder if she’s crazy enough to attend a conference with some people she hardly knows? LOL We’ll see!!!!

I FINALLY decided what song I’m dancing to for my grandmother’s Pastoral Anniversary this Sunday! Cece Winans’ Holy Spirit Come Fill this Place! I’m excited about it now LOL because at first I just had no clue about what to do… and though I’m sure my grandmother would love anything I do… its like a dance tribute to her and my ministry unto God so I was really like ok… its coming up what should I do??? AHHH!

All in all I’m just excited about God cuz he’s amazing and wonderful!